The Rumble

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Once Upon I slept...

I was awoken on a dark dreary morning by a force to be reckoned with. Hearing the shuffling and chaotic manner to which he searched, I knew he was missing something. His manic behavior to which he was searching, the tremble in his breath as he spoke aloud in anger, becoming more irritated by the minute. I awoke to the noise in the room, I ask what was wrong, “I can’t find my wallet” he answers agitated and frustrated. “OK, we’ll find it. Did you leave it in the car?” “I’ll go look”, he leaves the room letting out a deep sigh as he exited.

As I start to look around the dresser, in between the seat cushions in the chair that he sat in the night before, I hear him start yelling outside, “Fuck! Shit! Son of a bitch!...Where the fuck is it?!”. Amongst continuing to look for his wallet I knew his voice had woken my parents, I prayed that they didn’t come in the bedroom, a vocal brawl was about to erupt, and I didn’t want them to become part of it.

The door to the bedroom opens, “Have you found it?!” He demands. “If you don’t calm the fuck down, we’re going to have a bigger problem than you not finding your fucking wallet”, a large sigh exhales his body “I’m sorry, I’m just getting pissed. I can’t stand it when I can’t find something. I’m not mad at you, I’m just…” I had remembered I heard him knock something over with his hand last night off the nightstand. 

I cling to the furniture as I slowly make my way over to his side of the bed. I kneel on the floor, hearing, feeling, the bones in my knees and back, crack and crinkle. I start to feel around between the bed and the nightstand, my small fragile hand feels his wallet as I grasp it, “I found it” as I pull it out and hand it to him. “Now help me up”, I reach out to him, his large masculine hands clenched my small fragile hands, he puts his head under my arm helping me to my feet. “Thank you, my body isn’t what it used to be. You do need to work on staying calm in a time of conflict” I stated to him.

He apologizes for his attitude towards me and I decline to acknowledge his extenuating circumstances, I was becoming grumpy, angry for him waking me over not finding such a simple item. Emotions start to flair as I embrace his arms, feeling his hands wrap around my body, feeling his strength, as he asks me to forgive his anger, kissing my neck, “Please forgive me, I’m not mad at you. I’m pissed at myself for waking you, not finding my wallet. Please forgive me.” I let out a deep sigh, “I forgive you” “Are you mad at me now?”, another sigh escapes me, “No, I’m just tired and grumpy” I kiss his warm lips, “go to work, I don’t want you to be late or have to rush to work. I love you, be safe”. I depart his arms, heading for the bathroom, to relieve a screaming, painful bladder. As I sit on the toilet, the sounds of sniffles come from his voice as he exits the room, to his car, and leaving the driveway.

I knew I could have handled things better with him but I was awoken to frantic, loud, and rude behavior. If he was calm, passive-assertive, and had awoken me gently and asked me to help him I would have possibly reacted better, instead of giving him no satisfaction that I wasn’t mad, happy, or sad. I was just frustrated, grumpy, agitated, pissed off, and extremely tired. I was pissed off at the world for him waking me but he does every morning. He wakes me to give me his departing kiss every morning, it was nice, beautiful, romantic, knowing that he cares this much about me. I was being an inconsiderate pain in the ass because I had to get up, help him find his wallet, and then be content with him being so loud waking everyone in the house.